COME HERE.
>> [cheering] [cheering] >> CAPTAIN PICARD WAS THE MOST SERIOUS MAN IN SPACE.
Patrick Stewart was nothing like him.
The moment he stepped off the bridge, the knight became a comedian.
Patrick had only just tried his first slice of pizza and Conan needed to know how he’d been eating it all these years.
>> Yeah.
Don’t tell me you’re using a knife and fork all these years.
>> Well, I Yeah, this is This is embarrassing and it certainly enrages my wife because I do eat pizza with a knife and fork and I know that that is a social abhorrence in the United States.
>> Crowd getting very angry right now.
It’s a good thing there’s chicken wire separating them from us.
>> Patrick once played the most annoying passengers on a plane for Jimmy Kimmel.
First up was the man who will not stop talking.
>> Hello, what’s your name? Where are you from? What is it you do? My name is Patrick.
I’m English.
Like the muffins.
>> [laughter] >> I’ve read that book.
She dies in the end.
Oops, spoiler alert.
>> Next >> Patrick never cared much for pop music.
So when Sting joined him on the set of Dune, he had no idea who he was.
>> Hey, so you’re a musician? And he said, “Yeah”.
And I said, “What do you play?” And I swear I [laughter] swear I crossed my heart.
And And he said, “Bass”.
And I said, “You know, I’ve often wondered, what is it like carrying that huge thing around with everywhere you go?” >> Sting explained that he played bass guitar in a band.
Patrick still had one more question about the band.
>> God bless him.
Sting said, um uh no, bass guitar.
That’s what I play.
And I said, “Oh, uh great.
That’s fantastic.
Beautiful instrument.
And like, are you a solo artist?” And he said, “No, no.
No, I’m in a band”.
And I said, “Oh, what kind of band?” He said, “The Police”.
Folks, I said, “You play in a Police band?” >> Patrick once joined Conan on his podcast and he wanted to say hello in his very best radio voice.
>> Hi, my name is Patrick Stewart and you know, I always would like to do that as if it were as if I were on you know, the radio.
>> Okay.
That’s your That’s please.
>> Hello, my name is Patrick Stewart.
>> [laughter] >> It It always falls away, doesn’t it? Anyway, and I >> Patrick made Conan a little nervous and for good reason.
The last time they met on TV, Patrick had something much warmer than a handshake in mind.
>> We kissed, full on on the lips.
It was on my show and I forget how it happened.
Something was in the air that night.
>> COME HERE.
>> [cheering] [cheering] >> PATRICK ALSO TOOK ON PETE BUTTIGIEG IN A Star Trek quiz on Kimmel.
The host was his old crewmate LeVar Burton who had a very cheeky welcome ready.
>> And his opponent tonight, he’s a few cards short of a full holodeck.
SAY HI TO PAT.
>> [cheering and screaming] [applause] >> GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, PAT.
>> OH, and you, LeVar.
>> Patrick never watches his own show on purpose.
One night in a hotel, he got hooked on an old episode right as room service knocked.
>> The waiter came in, looked at me, >> [laughter] >> looked at the telly and I thought, he’s going to go away and tell the entire kitchen.
It is the saddest thing on This guy is upstairs alone having room service watching himself.
>> [laughter] >> Patrick was out to dinner with the whole Next Generation cast when a massive Star Trek fan walked in.
It was Seth MacFarlane.
>> >> Yes.
>> I mean, he’s hosted the Academy Awards.
He sings with symphony orchestras.
He’s written smash hit shows.
And he was clearly uh what unsettled by encountering all of us sitting at the table.
>> cast of his favorite show sitting together.
>> he had this stupid grin on his face.
>> [laughter] >> Patrick went more than 50 years without a dog.
Then he agreed to foster a pitbull called Ginger and the cameras caught the very first moment they met.
>> Hello.
>> Hi.
>> Take a look.
>> Hi, Ginger.
Hi, girl.
Hello, love.
Oh, thank you for that.
That was a very nice greeting.
>> [applause] [cheering] >> Patrick has played Captain Picard for most of his life.
When Jimmy Kimmel asked how many years it had been, the two of them needed a little bit of maths.
>> It’s a long Did you ever imagine you’d still be playing Picard? It’s What is it? A 40 years or something? Almost 40 years.
>> It’s uh I think 38 years.
>> Yeah.
>> I No.
>> [laughter] >> What? >> 87 >> Look, 33 years.
>> [applause] >> I’ve 30 If I’ve talked about this before, then just stop me.
>> Patrick lost almost all of his hair as a teenager and it felt like the end of the world.
Then one director worked out how much money it could save.
>> A director I was working with who was very very conscious of costs said to me, “Oh, no, no, no.
You’re two actors for the price of one”.
>> [laughter] >> OH MY GOD.
>> [laughter] >> THESE ARE ALL WIGS.
>> OKAY.
>> THAT’S RIGHT.
WITH any With wigs, we can get three roles out of you.
>> That’s fantastic.
>> Patrick’s schooling back in Yorkshire was very ordinary and he knows the reason why.
Even now he only says it very quietly.
>> Well, and it wasn’t really until I went to secondary modern school because I was not academic.
>> [laughter] >> You’re whispering but there’s still a very powerful microphone You’re whispering INTO A MICROPHONE.
>> [laughter] >> NO ONE MUST KNOW.
>> THIS MIGHT BE THE riskiest thing Patrick ever said on a talk show.
He brought up the nasty people he had worked with over the years and Jimmy Kimmel wanted names with the cameras rolling.
>> Well, I’ve worked with some nasty people over the years.
>> Let’s like who for instance? >> WHO’S THAT ON YOU HAVING ON TOMORROW NIGHT? >> [laughter] >> JAKE GYLLENHAAL.
YOU HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH JAKE? >> [laughter] >> WELL, WHERE SHOULD I START? HE’S A LOVELY GUY.
>> YES.
So you you have had bad experiences with some of these people.
You You said it.
I’m just recapping.
Yeah.
>> That was me, wasn’t it? >> A knighthood comes with a thousand years of British tradition, swords and all.
Patrick revealed that the paperwork is a lot simpler than you would think and Conan could not believe it.
>> And this literally has two boxes.
And you are asked to tick one of them and it says, yes, I accept.
>> [laughter] >> Or no, I do not >> Wait a minute.
In this country this is called jury duty, you know.
>> This is This is >> You’re being made a knight.
This is a This is a a thousand year old tradition and there’s two boxes you check? >> Uh well, it’s it’s better than jury.
>> Patrick thought Conan deserved a knighthood of his own.
Conan was already sure that his letter was somewhere in the mail.
>> When I’m offered a knighthood I’m sure mine is in the mail.
I will accept it.
>> Yeah.
>> I will accept it.
I will accept it >> [applause] >> as an American citizen.
>> Gracefully.
>> Gracefully.
>> But American citizens have been awarded knighthoods and damehoods, so I see no reason.
In in fact, I think it’s something that should be INSISTED ON.
>> YES, THANK YOU.
I THINK EXACTLY.
>> [cheering] >> PATRICK AND SUNNY WERE MARRIED BY NONE other than Ian McKellen, who got his license online.
It didn’t count in Nevada, where the wedding was meant to be, so they needed a plan B.
>> Very lazy.
Um and Ian had brought with him a kind of robe, but our guests had no idea what was happening.
And in fact, we were formally married in a Mexican restaurant.
>> [laughter] >> SORRY, [cheering] A DIFFERENT KIND OF WIZARDRY.
>> Patrick also sat down with Pete for an interview that night, with Pete in the host’s chair.
He thought Pete was a natural, and his support came with one small condition.
>> Well, it doesn’t sound prepared in any way.
>> Are you saying I might have a future in late-night television? >> Only if you will invite me once a month.
>> Deal.
>> [cheering] >> Yeah.
>> Patrick had just put his hand prints in the cement outside a famous Hollywood theater.
So, Stephen Colbert asked about his old friend and rival from their early days on stage, Sir Ben Kingsley.
>> A question there, has Ben Kingsley gotten it? >> Okay.
Um >> [laughter] >> I hope to be discussing this with Ben very soon, but no, he has no, but he got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame before I did.
So, we’re kind of 50/50.
>> Patrick has lived in America for years, but he still says one very simple word the proper English way.
He wanted to know why Conan and the rest of America say it wrong.
>> Here, I said laugh, then.
>> Yeah.
>> Why do you think I said laugh instead of laugh? >> Cuz Cuz everyone says laugh, and uh Yeah.
That’s your in this country, and that’s how it should be said.
>> [laughter] >> You’re not Charles Laughton.
>> Patrick couldn’t convince Conan, so he brought up the very same argument he keeps having at home with his American wife, Sunny, who is from Nevada.
>> [laughter] >> My wife says to me, “Let’s Let’s I’ll tell you what, let’s go for a walk and a talk”.
And I say, “I’m sorry.
A walk and a talk? What the heck is that? You mean a walk AND A TALK?” >> [laughter] >> IT NEVER >> I DO LIKE THE WAY YOU SAY IT THOUGH.
>> Thank you.
Thank you.
>> It is better.
>> Patrick loved a weekend in Las Vegas with his Star Trek friends, and he played Blackjack with real enthusiasm.
Jimmy wondered how the other gamblers coped with the whole crew at their tables.
>> We would go for weekends in Las Vegas.
And we would have a wonderful time.
>> People must have flipped when they saw you guys all together.
>> Yeah, there was a little bit of flipping going on.
>> What did you do? >> Maybe a little bit of slapping, too.
>> Patrick fell in love with the old furniture in his dressing room on Kimmel.
Before he left the building, he asked Jimmy one very polite favor about it.
>> That in my dressing room, I’ve never seen a dressing room like the one that I have here.
It has the most amazing art deco furniture.
And it now I love art deco.
>> This building is art deco.
>> to a few people, and they’re going to have some of it put in the back of my >> Take whatever you want.
>> Really? But I wanted to okay that with you first.
>> 100% it’s all yours, and you’re welcome to sleep over if you like.
>> This might be the quickest casting decision in Star Trek history.
Patrick invited Stephen Colbert onto Star Trek.
Picard as long as he passed one very short audition right there at his own desk.
>> Let’s have a little tiny audition then.
What about you say “Make it so”.
>> Number one, “Make it so”.
>> OH, WAIT.
HEY! >> [cheering] >> THAT’S AMAZING! >> PATRICK’S annoying passengers only got worse from there.
He saved the most annoying one of all for the moment the plane touched down, and the whole cabin had to sit through it.
>> Bravo! Well done! Wasn’t it a glorious landing? Splendid stop.
ENCORE! ENCORE! LET’S GO UP AGAIN! WHAT WHAT A TRIUMPHANT ACHIEVEMENT in flight.
Bravo! [screaming] And the PILOT COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.
>> PATRICK WAS ASKED TO GIVE away secrets from the new Picard series, 18 years after the last film.
He was happy to talk until one word came out an octave too high.
>> If you can you tell us can you [applause] give us any information about what we might see? >> No.
>> Can you tell us >> No, I can’t I can’t I can’t.
>> Yes, you can.
Oh, great.
Um >> 18 years So, did I make that sound just then? >> [laughter] >> You’re probably going to hear that later.
>> me start again.
>> At a comedy festival, Patrick once wondered what people would say about him one day.
So, he wrote the tribute himself about the man he admired most.
>> So, in the event that this is it for me, I’d like to take a few moments to remember a great man whom I know has meant a lot to all of us here.
Me.
>> Patrick Stewart spent his whole life proving that the captain was the funniest man on the ship.
LeVar saved the last quiz question for him about Geordi LaForge’s underwear.
>> For all the marbles, did my character Geordi LaForge in Star Trek wear boxers or briefs? >> [laughter] >> Pat? >> BOXERS.
>> NO.
>> WRONG.
>> OH, I KNOW.
>> PAT? >> NOTHING.
>> THAT’S CORRECT.
>> [cheering and applause] >> THAT’S THAT’S ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
PAT, you are the captain now.
